If you make a more general offer to hang out, and the other person isn't interested, they may say something like, "Yeah sure, maybe we could do that sometime soon", but then they'll change the subject and won't follow up later. Here you're presenting a somewhat more solid plan, but you're still leaving it a bit open about when you'll do it. They'll be "busy" if you try to nail them down in the future. Some people say they're not exactly sure how to ask someone to hang out.
You understand they usually can't show up, but will pop into the odd party.
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If you're arranging a larger gathering you can naturally also use a mix of these methods. Want to come with me? The specific phrasing you use is a small factor in whether someone will accept or not. You could always try again later. This isn't to say you need to be paranoid about seeming desperate and needy.
Again, you'll get a better sense of their intentions once you've invited them to hang out a couple of times. Some people who are new to inviting people out worry that they'll get rejected and be seen as creepy or desperate if they don't word their request in the exact right way.
To form a social life an important step is to take the initiative to try to make plans with potential friends, and not to wait around and hope they'll invite you out first. Similarly, don't fret if some of the examples below seem like something you could never say. Tickets are cheap. The other way they could turn you down would be to say, "Hm, maybe I don't know. They may like chatting to you at work or at larger get togethers, but just don't think you have quite enough in common to be tighter one-on-one buddies.
It's a bit aggrevating, but you may never know exactly what the truth is. Of course, text messages can hit more people at once, and creating an event thread on a social networking app creates a spot where people can discuss and coordinate the plan.
This is when your suggestion is pretty solid. This is when you ask them to do something with you right now, or fairly soon. Should you risk hanging out with them anyway to find out, or just play it safe and not ask in the first place? Assuming the other person is inclined to accept your invitation, each way probably works as well as the others. But still, phrase your invitation in a casual way. Inviting people out is just a friendly social thing to do. Either way, you should direct your friend-making energy elsewhere. Most of the time the rule keeps you from wasting too much time on people who aren't a good fit.
If you find yourself reading the dialogue below and thinking, "Oh, I couldn't say that. If it's a group event they may vaguely imply they might attend, then back Looking for someone to hang out with this week at the last second. Again, what will really determine whether people accept is if they think they activity will be fun and it fits their schedule, not if you invite them out in person vs. Note that just because someone isn't up for a closer friendship with you, it doesn't necessarily mean they totally hate you.
You don't want to prematurely throw in the towel the first time they say they can't make it, but you also don't want to be oblivious and endlessly ask out someone who's giving you the runaround. Give it about three tries, especially if they haven't made any effort to invite you to anything themselves.
Do you want to get something to eat after our evening class? On the other hand, they may actually be up for hanging out, but you've just caught them in a hectic patch of their lives.
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However you invite someone out, ask in a tone that suggests, "It'd be great if you came, but if not, no worries. If you invite someone to hang out and they aren't interested they'll usually make a polite excuse each time you ask, rather than directly reject you. They figure you want to invite them out, but don't know if it's to something they'd be interested in, so they'll hesitate to say they're free for fear of feeling "trapped" into accepting if they admit they're available. Of course, sometimes they would be down to get together, but they truly have other plans on the day you suggested.
You can also save face because you can play the whole thing off like it was some idea that just popped into your head, rather than that you've been planning for two weeks to ask them to hang out, and you ever so hope they like you. What you ask them to do will depend on what you sense they'd be interested in doing.
If they still can't make it either they're politely brushing you off, or they've shown they've got too much going on to have time for new or closer friends. You can stay friendly on a more casual level. You don't have to start avoiding them completely.
Examples of various ways to invite people to hang out
Or everyone could be fairly new to each other, and you're doing your part to try to form a new social circle. Like for one person, in one situation, it may seem totally natural to invite them over to your place to hang out the first time you get together.
You can ask a second time fairly soon, then if they still say no, give it some time before trying once or twice more. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. You're fine with them not being there most of the time, but it's nice when you can catch up. I'd say one isn't better than the others. What's more important is if they like your company, and if the get together you're proposing works for them. The group you're inviting out could be close friends, and you're trying to their clique.
Usually you'll have a clearer answer once you've asked about three times. The exception, where it's fine to invite someone out more often even though they rarely accept, is when you're on good terms with a busy acquaintance and you let them know about your group's get togethers.
If they say yes, then you can work out the details soon after one mistake to avoid is getting a "yes", and then leaving them hanging by not following through. People have successfully invited friends out using all the variations I lay out below. It's better to lead off with the activity you have in mind.
That wouldn't work. What if the person agrees to go out, but then things are awkward and you struggle to make conversation with each other? It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. What if you think you'll get along with them, but aren't entirely sure? The other person has to consider your invitation and let you know their answer fairly soon. Even though it's a really common way for two friends to spend time together, inviting someone to hang out one-on-one for the first time often makes people the most nervous.
However, if someone really wanted to befriend you they'd find a way. If you do go ahead and invite them out, here are some examples of ways you could do it. What if they say no?
The "about three tries" rule is simplistic and sometimes accidentally screens out people who could have been friends, but just happened to have other plans each time you invited them out. At worst they'll get flustered and lie about being busy, just to guard against the off chance that you'll try to corner them into an event they don't want to go to.
It can feel a little less nerve-racking to invite someone out this way. Not everyone you seem to click with will be up for a closer relationship. For example, "Are you free this Sunday? Want to hang out at my place and watch some TV? Here the person may turn you down by pointing out some aspect of the proposed plan that doesn't work for them "Oh, I have to work that night", "I've got plans to see that movie with my boyfriend", "I don't know I don't have much money to spend on concerts these days. For one, conversation examples often seem clumsy. That puts it all on the table right away, and the other person has to Looking for someone to hang out with this week or bow out.
It depends more on the context you've gotten to know them in than anything. If you ask times and they haven't accepted you can conclude they either aren't feeling it or they're legitimately too busy. I'm kind of busy these days" when you initially ask. When you suggest something spontaneously you can't always expect they'll be available to go, so it doesn't sting as much if they say no. This article will give a bunch of examples of different ways to do that.
You're doing them a courtesy by keeping them in the loop. You may want to check out this article:. With someone else you may get the feeling that wouldn't be as appropriate: Open-ended invitation Here you're gauging their interest in hanging out.