Disclosed DD36, Delhi, Delhi.
The vulnerability of wives of men who have sex with men has also been the subject of a recent report commissioned by the National AIDS Control Organization NACOIndia Chakrapani, Boyce and Dhanikachalamwhich calls for the development of programmes that focus on this often-overlooked group. There no need for a condom with my wife. Participants were compensated for their time.
The majority of men were concerned about preserving their reputation and feared the consequences of disclosure, especially the reactions of their wives and families. Twelve of the IDIs included the members of couples married to one another 6 husbands from group 2 and 6 wives from group 3.
Yes, we talk while having Wives wants sex Allison Park. Men who indicated that they had disclosed their same sex behaviour to their spouse and expressed interest in participating in this study were asked to contact their wives. She will tell my family members, in-laws and what will they think, she cannot bear all this. While many men stated that they used condoms consistently, they also often mentioned that they had had condomless sex in the past, and continued to have condomless sex at least on an occasional basis in the present, for a variety of reasons:.
Undisclosed, Kothi40, Hyderabad, Telangana. Kothiswho have more feminine demeanour, and predominately practice receptive anal intercourse with male partners, and some double deckers or DD who have either a masculine or feminine appearance, and play a versatile sexual role with mentend to perceive marriage as an obligation compared with panthis masculine appearance, who predominately practise insertive anal sex with male partners or bisexualswho may wish to have sexual relationships with both men and women.
Some husbands did attempt to explain their same-sex attraction to their wives, but these efforts were mostly unsuccessful because these wives did not seem to understand what their husbands were trying to say to them. A key challenge to global prevention remains pervasive homophobia and discrimination against sexual minorities, which forces gay and other men who have sex with men to hide their same-sex sexual behaviour and makes it difficult to reach Wives wants sex Allison Park populations, especially in low- and middle-income countries.
India is a setting where a large proportion of men who have same-sex partnerships are married due to the cultural emphasis given to marriage and reproduction Chakrapani, Boyce and Dhanikachalam ; Solomon, Mehta et al. Interviewers were highly experienced in working with marginalised and stigmatised populations, including men who have sex with men, as well as women.
At the same time, wives had limited decision-making power about sex and condom use in the marriage, and mostly had condomless sex with their husbands.
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Against this background, the objective of this qualitative study was to investigate HIV-related risks among married men who have sex with men and their wives in the context of formative research for a larger quantitative survey. This [condomless sex] generally happens when we had sex in hotel in late night and there is no possibility to have condoms because in hurry I forget to bring and shops are closed or not located nearby. The wives of such men may be at risk for HIV but limited existing research addresses this Wives wants sex Allison Park.
This is partly due to the low rates of disclosure of same-sex behaviour within married couples, which makes research with the wives of these men challenging. They paid close attention to establishing a confidential, safe, and comfortable non-judgemental environment for participants. Quotations were selected to illustrate key findings, with the age, sexual identity, site, and state noted below each quote. My wife had seen me during physical act with my partner […] in my home. My wife told me if you have to do this, then why you married me, you are doing all this.
So, I asked why he was carrying women clothes in the bag, and asked him are you doing anything? He expresses his desires, likes and dislikes. Responses were compared both within and among the three different groups of respondents, and among couples, when applicable. Madam, if I tell her about my relationship with men, then [she] will commit suicide or do something to herself.
Some women, however, described pressure from their husbands to have sex in the different ways that some men showed them through porn videos and verbal descriptions:. Both men and their wives reported that women often had very limited to no understanding of sex prior to marriage.
I told her to be quiet. She was very upset and this is normal, anyone will be so upset. Purposive sampling was employed to recruit a sample of married men who have sex with men and the women married to such men from 6 research sites in five states and a Union Territory: Delhi DelhiVisakhapatnam Andhra PradeshHyderabad TelanganaBengaluru KarnatakaChennai and Madurai Tamil Nadu Table 1. The mean ages of married men who did not disclose their same-sex behaviour was 32; of married Wives wants sex Allison Park who disclosed their same-sex behaviour was Wives faced multiple HIV-related risks in their marriages.
She called my parents who were sleeping upstairs and told that Wives wants sex Allison Park was doing this — this, if all this happen with your daughter, then what you will do? For example, the same man who earlier stated that he made decisions about condom use on a case-by-case basis explained.
Some men felt that they could screen their partners to assess the need for condom use. Men who engage in same-sex relationships in India have diverse sexual identities, and perspectives on sexual relationships with men and women and marriage Chakrapani, Boyce and Dhanikachalam ; Tomori, Srikrishnan et al. The pressure to conform to heteronormative masculine norms and conceal same-sex behaviour may lead to hurried sexual encounters with multiple partners with little time to negotiate safer sex Setia et al.
Husbands inconsistently used condoms with their male partners. Husbands whose wives were aware of their same-sex behaviour had also initially aimed to keep their behaviour secret, but were unsuccessful in these efforts. Lots of quarrels took place in my home.
I would always have condoms in a secret place near my house and carry it when I go to meet clients. A key HIV-risk for wives of men whose husbands had not disclosed their same-sex behaviour was their lack of awareness of this behaviour and subsequently of HIV risk, which prevented them from taking any protective action to prevent potential HIV-transmission.
For instance:. He came home in the morning at around 4 am, with a bag. Whenever I have sexual contact with men and with my wife I am having routine medical check-up every three months so what is the need for condom use with my wife.
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Respondent: […] I want to hide it till the end because if my family comes to know about it then I might lose my prestige. Finally, some feared potential violence against them by family members or that they themselves would be compelled to kill themselves if their behaviour was discovered. Men were generally expected to initiate sex, and expected women to comply with their desires:. One man described how he felt the need to initiate sex to comply with expectations, but was relieved that he was not expected to have sex frequently:.
Few studies to date however have addressed HIV-related risks among wives of men who have sex with men.
Husbands nearly always stated that they did not use condoms with their wives, and they did not feel that condom use with their wives was necessary, even when they had condomless sex with other partners. For instance, the following man, like several others in the study, used condoms with other men but only used condoms for birth control with his wife:. While some men mentioned that some of the wives of men who had sex with men also had extramarital relationships with other men, which are sometimes encouraged by husbands who are not attracted to women, among our interview participants there were only two reports of women engaging in extramarital relationships.
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If my father comes to know he will definitely react violently and my wife would cry a lot and get depressed. Despite growing recognition of the substantial HIV-risk for the wives of men who have same-sex partnerships, systematic investigation of this risk remains limited, and mostly addresses the experiences and perspectives of husbands, but not their wives Solomon, Mehta et al.
Even in this case, however, men could decide whether they accepted, whereas women were expected to comply. Transcripts were transcribed and translated into English, and entered for analysis into the qualitative software Wives wants sex Allison Park Atlas. I will only decide [when to have sex] because I should give all happiness so I will decide to have sex with her even if she is not interested year-old, disclosed DDBengaluru, Karnataka. In the bag there were women dresses, lipstick, bra, sari and other things. Consequently, regardless of personal preferences, many men ultimately marry and hide their same-sex sexual practices Chakrapani, Boyce and Dhanikachalam research has demonstrated that married men who have same-sex partnerships frequently engage in high-risk sexual behaviours, often have higher prevalence of HIV than unmarried men who have sex with men, and have low awareness of their HIV status Kumta et al.
Some husbands did not want to burden their wives with the knowledge of their same-sex behaviour, partly because they were concerned that their wife might commit suicide:. Married men in the study reported having multiple male, and a few female, extramarital sexual partners.
Another key reason for not using condoms was the desire to have children. The prevalence of HIV infection among men who have sex with men continues to be high globally Beyrer et al. None of the married men whose wives were unaware of their behaviour wanted to fully disclose it to their wives. In other conditions, my partner used to say that you should believe in me and we can have sex without condom. At the same time, men may avoid disclosure of same-sex behaviour to their wives due to fears of stigma, discrimination, and divorce, and report very low rates of condom use within the marriage Chakrapani, Boyce and Dhanikachalam ; Solomon, Mehta et al.
He used to torture me, but I used to not like. I am doing mistake madam, but I cannot trouble her. All transcripts were read by the lead qualitative researcher CT multiple times Sandelowski and underwent preliminary thematic analysis using open coding following principles of grounded theory Strauss and Corbin Wives wants sex Allison Park Bernard These codes were further refined and elaborated during the process of analysis and used to develop a final coding scheme with a codebook that was applied to all the transcripts.
Memos were written for each code.
Interviewers obtained informed consent from each member of participating couples separately and were interviewed in a private space apart from their spouse. Most men stated that they only had vaginal sex with their wives. Although some men, particularly kothis and DDslacked interest in having sex with their wives, most felt that they needed to have sex with them at least some of the time.
In countries such as India, men who have same-sex partnerships may marry women due to cultural pressures regardless of their sexual desires and preferences.
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Their husbands sometimes had multiple secret male sexual partners, of whom wives only become aware through accidental discovery. Recruitment posters seeking married men who have sex with men were placed in the offices of local NGOs that work with these men. Nevertheless, several men and some women reported that they initiated sex equally, and a few stated that women initiated sex more often than their husbands. The same woman reported that when her husband desired sex, she automatically complied.